Marriage and Mortality: A Calm from the Chaos

Having been married now for [long pause in typing progression as I do the math] six and a half years, I can gladly and confidently say that I am delighted to be out of the dating scene. Not that I was ever really a playa' or some kind of ladies' man, but I would say that I dabbled enough to know that dating is a fiasco. Sure, dating can have its enjoyable moments, its adrenaline highs, and seasons of elation; but in general, I do not miss it, and I do not think that I would ever willingly go back.

Marriage also has its bumpy moments, its ruts, and its troubles, but overall, marriage is rest. It is like stepping out of the mosh pit, and getting a back stage, all-access pass. Well... an all-access pass sometimes.  But really--it is moving from chaos to comfort, from uncertainty to confidence, and from being alone to having someone who is always there.

To me, life is much like dating: Wandering without certainty, waking each morning to an unpredictable situation, as our planet circles the sun while we wonder how we even got here. Life is not a bad thing, but it can be chaotic. And much like dating, it can have its great times, its low times, and moments when we don't have a care in the world. Unpredictability can be great, but it can also become tiresome.

I will not say that I have never thought "Why did my egg have to get fertilized?" But overall, I am happy to be alive and am grateful for the life that I have been given, and the people who I am surrounded with. I love my wife and my children more than anything in the world, and we have a wonderful group of friends and family. I am not suicidal, and I am not in a rut of depression as I write this; I am just a sucker for being honest.

That being said, I do believe that death will be much like marriage is in contrast to dating. I do not say this as a negative statement toward marriage; It is a compliment toward death! While death is often seen as a fearful thing, it is something that cannot be avoided. It will come eventually -- to some of us sooner than others.

While we "cognitive" creatures swarm around and wonder who to vote for, who to pray to, and who to marry, the dead lie there resting peacefully. They do not have to suffer through endless political advertisements two years before the election takes place. As we work overtime so we can afford our next car payment, try to sell our house that is worth less than what we owe, and go to bed just so we can get up and go to work again the next morning, those who have passed on get to sleep in every morning!

Once we have died, there will be no more wondering about the afterlife, arguing about what religion got it right, or struggling just to get through the day. No more pain, no more sorrow, no more chaos. Just peace.

And this is where someone from this religion, or that religion might say that it will be peaceful for them, but not for you if you don't agree with or subscribe to their way of thinking. The thing is, no one can really make such a bold statement with any credibility regarding your eternal destiny who has never been dead. And those who are dead are not causing a raucous or squabbling about such things, so why should we?

"Ah, such a laissez-faire approach to death!", one might say. Well... yes. It kind of is. But why be afraid of or live in dread of something that will happen whether you want it to or not?

Should we search for truth? Of course! Is it wise to want answers? By all means. But the problem is that we will not know with complete certainty the answers to many of life's biggest questions until we have ceased to live. And on the same token, maybe we will know nothing at all. Complete nothingness would not be all bad.

It's a Wonderful Life is one of my favorite films. I think life is wonderful and most of the time, I am grateful for my existence. But just as dating was enjoyable for a season, and marriage is a welcome time of rest, so I believe that death will be a sweet relief after we are finished here. We did not choose our birth and (unless we take our own life) we cannot choose the time of our death. My dating life eventually lead to matrimonial relief, for which I am grateful. And eventually, this life that I live will culminate in my final breath, which I do not fear.